If you have ever made a New Year’s resolution and then battled to follow through the stages of change, you will know that making changes in your life is hard.
A series of habits that we have chosen and formed for various reasons dictate our behaviour and not all of them are good for us. Over time, these actions, habits and behaviours have become so ingrained and automatic, we don’t even think about many of the things we do anymore.
Our brain has formed fixed patterns for the way we do things, which is part of the reason why intentional behaviour changes feel so incredibly hard because we have to redevelop those fixed patterns and redirect hard-wired neural connections.
Changing our habits and behaviour can feel impossible and overwhelming at times.
When the fear of staying in the same place outweighs the fear of change, that is when the biggest shifts begin.
Behavioural science studies outline the stages of change. Sometimes knowing what they are and identifying where you are in your journey can help to give you the strength to push through when you know what is coming next.
Setbacks and relapse
When making any kind of change in your life – small or big – it is important to know that there is no perfectly straight line to reaching your goals and that setbacks and relapses are part and parcel of any change journey.
Self-motivation and a determination to reap the benefits of the changes will help you be more resilient when the journey gets tough.
If you are battling to make progress, ask yourself if you are making these changes for yourself or because someone else wants you to change.
If you are not making changes because it isn’t 100% what you want, it is going to make success that much more difficult, and if you are changing for someone else, deep down you may be feeling resentful instead of committed.
Let’s walk through the stages of change so you can identify where you are at on your change journey.
The Transtheoretical Stages of Change Model
Precontemplation
This stage could also be referred to as denial.
This is part of your journey where you are not consciously aware of having an issue and are not yet thinking about making any changes. You may also become defensive about any conversations that come up around the issue you don’t think you have and while you may read up on or be researching this very thing (i.e. weight loss, fitness, cutting back alcohol, smoking etc.) you probably won’t start taking any action until you decide that you want to.
Contemplation
This stage is one of the toughest stages in any change journey.
Some people can stay here for months, even years, and many sadly don’t even make it further than this point.
So if you have moved to stage 3 already, you have conquered one of the hardest stages in your journey and you should be very proud of this no matter what challenges or setbacks you are currently facing.
Contemplation and awareness happen at this stage. It is the first and biggest step in your change journey – becoming aware that there is something that you need to change.
You realise the benefits of changing your lifestyle, behaviour and habits, but there is a process of confrontation that you need to work through.
The difference between moving forward and staying in this stage is realising that there are going to be sacrifices and discomfort and you make a commitment to work through them instead of perceiving them as a cost of getting to where you want to be.
For example, you may want those coveted 6 pack abs, but the sacrifice of giving up unhealthy food choices and getting up early every morning to hit the gym feels like it is just too much to give up.
Lots of people don’t want to sacrifice their late sleep-in and comfortable food choices, deciding that it will make them miserable to give those things up, so they stay where they are and become miserable instead because they can’t have 6-pack abs.
So this stage is a hard one, full of big, uncomfortable and ultimately life-changing decisions.
Preparation
Congratulations! If you have made it to this stage, you have fought and won the mental battle to get here.
As you begin this stage, the preparation you do here will set you up for success as you try out some small changes and lay the groundwork for bigger ones.
This is where your determination sets in to power you through the next steps of bringing your goals to life and then maintaining them.
Research your goals, gather information, and connect with others doing the same things as you are. Join groups and build support networks to help you build the framework to create the new you.
Action
Fully committed to your goals, this is the stage where the work has begun, and there is no going back now.
Transtheoretical science tells us that this stage lasts for approximately 6 months, but it is different for everyone. Be open to receiving advice and support to help you navigate the journey ahead.
This is a fundamental change stage. You will see your self-confidence flourish and the way you perceive yourself and what you are capable of will also change. This will have a knock-on effect on all other aspects of your life.
Progress may feel painfully slow at times but consistency is key. Set up small short-term goals within this stage and reward yourself to help you to keep moving forward.
Reached a fitness goal? Invest in some new fitness gear.
Stopped smoking for 5 days in a row?
Splurge on some new air-purifying plants to remind yourself how far you have come.
No matter how small you think your achievements are in this stage, they are all critical pieces of the bigger puzzle.
Keep going and ask for help. You can’t fail if you don’t give up!
Maintenance
Congratulations! You did it! Your goals have been achieved. Probably by this time you will have set and smashed other goals already with new ones already set ahead of you.
But there is still work to be done to maintain and safeguard your new lifestyle and habits from a relapse.
Remind yourself about how far you have come and how much progress you have made. As you grow, you may find yourself continuously re-evaluating your new life and learning new ways of doing things to protect your progress and make you more resilient to relapse.
You may also find that you are kinder and more patient with yourself in this stage if you do have a setback.
Relapse
So you had a big weekend? That’s okay!
You know that with all the work you have done, that one weekend of cake and party food washed down with beer won’t derail your fitness efforts, or that one small relapse won’t derail any of your other gains.
Continue on your journey without beating yourself up about it.
You will also be less likely to return to your old life of unhealthy habits because you feel differently and do different things for yourself now, and it’s easier to stay on track.
No matter what change you are going through, you can pick yourself up and keep going.
It is normal to get through one stage, only to regress to another one. Remember that there is no easy straight line to where you want to be.
Change is a big, sometimes lifelong journey. Which stage are you in on yours?