Rudeness can be very confronting and trigger an immediate emotional reaction. Whether it is a friend, family member, colleague or a complete stranger in public, it has an instant effect on us as well as the people around us. Conflict is never nice to experience and in many interactions, the behaviour can feel very hurtful.
What is rudeness?
Typically, rudeness shows up as a display of offensive or inconsiderate behaviour, disrespect, and even aggression. People behaving rudely can make other people feel and respond in a very reactive way, especially in social or work situations where certain etiquette boundaries are expected to be met.
For example, swearing and shouting may be acceptable between colleagues if you work in a fast-paced distribution environment, but probably not okay if you work in a beauty salon.
Rudeness at work
One-off incidents of rudeness that are not addressed run the risk of being normalised in a work environment.
If rude behaviour – even in an email – is ignored, it can send a message that the type of behaviour is acceptable.
The default response to someone who is being rude to you is to respond in the same way, but this can escalate a situation into a bigger one, with no winners.
Responding to rude behaviour
Despite how you feel, make a conscious effort to diffuse rude behaviour with a calm response.
- Pause to self-regulate, collect your thoughts and consider your response
- Consciously disengage even if the interaction is personal – don’t allow yourself to be baited
- Respond with a polite and friendly tone to break the tension
- State your boundaries and outline what behaviour is acceptable
- Listen – the other person may just be having a bad day. Tell them that while their behaviour was unacceptable, you might be able to assist them in resolving their situation
- Don’t be afraid to walk away when you realise that you will not be able to resolve an escalating situation.
Show yourself empathy
Once we have stepped away, we always seem to have the perfect response and outcome in our heads rather than the one that played out in the heat of the moment.
There is no perfect way to respond to someone being rude. It depends on so many variables, such as the relationship and extenuating circumstances. Sometimes a single rude comment just ignites a conflict out of nowhere into a perfect storm.
Some people are rude because they are just at the limit of what they can handle at that moment and in those moments, kindness is the best response.
At other times, people are intentionally trying to elicit a response and will personalise their attack just to upset you.
When you are blindsided by an unexpected outburst, it can be impossible to respond in the best way.
Be kind to yourself and don’t go away beating yourself up about how you could have handled something or someone better.
Just know that you did the best that you could at the time with what you had and let it go.