As a simple definition, jealousy can be defined as fear and insecurity. It can show up as romantic, sexual or interpersonal jealousy and is often accompanied by additional complex emotions such as resentment and anger.

Not to be confused with envy – both of which underpin the desire to have something that someone else has.

Envy is framed more as discontent in wanting something that someone else has got. In contrast, jealousy shows up often in intimate relationships or as a power struggle in a work-related environment. 

Examples of jealousy

Everyone will experience feelings of jealousy from time to time. Some examples of situations where jealousy may be present:

• A parent favouring a sibling over you

• A partner spending time with another person who may feel like a threat to the relationship

• A colleague who seems to be rising up the corporate ladder ahead of you

• A partner acknowledging other people’s accomplishments but not acknowledging yours

Where does jealousy come from?

While jealousy is quite normal behaviour under typical circumstances, when it becomes intense and overwhelming, it can become unhealthy and negative. In extreme cases, jealousy can lead to outbursts of anger and violence, putting people in danger.

Jealousy comes from a deep-seated feeling of insecurity and low self-esteem. Research has shown that people with a fear of abandonment can also lead to feelings of possessiveness over other people, often in romantic relationships.

While it is an emotion that everyone experiences at some point, unchecked it has the potential to cause significant relationship problems. 

Jealousy at work

Jealousy not only damages relationships but also undermines performance at work and can be very disruptive to teams of people working, living, or studying together. 

Jealousy can drive you to become obsessed with someone else who is doing well. This can have a detrimental effect on your whole life. Not only will you lose self-respect when multiple attempts to sabotage them backfire, but it can end badly when you wreck your own career and relationships along the way.

Examples of career jealousy

Feeling on edge at work? You may be on the receiving end of jealous behaviour.

Focusing on negativity

When news of a positive achievement like a promotion is shared, a jealous person will identify and focus on the negative details.  Focusing on the long hours, extra responsibilities and additional pressure that a new role brings instead of the promotion itself.

Shooting down other people’s ideas

Not only is this unproductive, but it also causes tension and conflict and results in disagreements that just become a battle of wills. Nobody wins, and the self-worth of the jealous person plummets.

Passive-aggressive behaviour

Blatant irritation, short answers, negative body language and other passive aggressive behaviour create toxic work environments and damages careers.

Handling the haters

Dealing with a jealous person can be exhausting and frustrating, but there are ways you can manage their behaviour and protect yourself. 

• Actively foster a positive mindset

• Rise above negative comments and unhelpful dialogue

• Pick your battles – it isn’t necessary to engage with people who just want an opportunity to argue

• Disarm their negative mindset with kindness

• Set boundaries for yourself and don’t be afraid to create distance between you both

Make a point of surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people and don’t be afraid to walk away from a relationship, friendship, or partnership that no longer serves you.